Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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