just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
