When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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