Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
