you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
