i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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