since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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