i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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