y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
