I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
