well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
