Kiss
Puke
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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