I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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