Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
