I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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