So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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