I wish I could teleport
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
