I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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