I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
