He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
