I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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