Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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