apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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