So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's blow job season.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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