I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
