Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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