I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I want a musical about memes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
