they need to just BURY HIM!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
