I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
