Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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