Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
