I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
