In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dicks are not precious.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
