I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
