I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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