Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
