Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
