I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
