im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize