she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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