I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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