I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
