their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I AM VODKA MAN
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
