My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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