I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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