I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
