; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
