I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
