I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
