i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
