This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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