I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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