if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
