dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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