I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
