Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
