ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
