Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
