I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize