Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
