If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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