I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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