Someone shit on the floor
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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