Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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