he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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