If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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