I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
