Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
