the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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