spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
