brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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