things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
