Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
