And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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