Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
