He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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