So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The best revenge is premature balding
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize