i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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